Thursday, August 30, 2007

TT #28 - 13 Reasons My Husband Should NOT Get A Unicycle



Uh oh. After I told my husband I didn't know what to write about this week, he suggested this little gem, after which he promptly confessed that the idea of a unicycle was becoming more and more appealing to him! (Is he utterly and totally MAD???) He claims it would be the perfect combination of cycling and pilates. I said it would be the perfect combination of cycling and falling down. Hopefully this list will be sufficiently persuasive that we don't have to figure out who is actually right...

1. I'm allergic to vast blood loss.

2. Broken bones sticking through skin at weird angles would probably make me puke.

3. If he tried to ride in the living room he'd be at risk of getting decapitated by the ceiling fan.
4. The paramedics would be laughing too hard to actually treat his multiple injuries when they arrive to find he'd fallen off a unicycle.

5. He'd need a red nose and a clown costume to complete the ensemble.

6. Where would he put the rack?

7. He'd have to fight all the neighborhood kids for the chance to ride it.

8. Traveling on only one wheel would double his commute time.
9. He'd be at risk of getting kidnapped by a passing circus.

10. He'd be slower than on his bike, and so less able to outrun scary barking dogs.

11. No place to strap Maya's seat. He'd have to take her to school on his shoulders. And she'd have to wear sparkly spandex while doing it.

12. He's already broken quite enough bones getting hit by cars on his bike. Just think of how many people would crash into him because they'd be staring at the flippin' unicycle.

13. And the best reason ever not to get a unicycle? (cue the David Letterman style drumroll) OUR kids would want to ride it!!





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35 comments:

That Blue Girl said...

Ha ha-very funny 13. Good thing this is only a list of 13 cuz I can think of about a dozen more reasons not to get one-like knocking all his teeth out. Have a great weekend!

Buck Naked Politics said...

Reason #2 is good enough for me -- and should be good enough for him, given that they're his bones.

Annie said...

Yeah, they lose their minds every once in awhile, don't they? Silly silly boys!

The reason married men live longer is because they have a sane partner to stop them from doing stupid stuff, and if they perchance do the stupid stuff... they have someone to get them to the emergency room before they bleed to death!

Funny TT!

phyllis@imabima said...

what a great TT post -- i agree with you wholeheartedly. i'm sure you could come up with 13 more...yes, i think husbands are just plain crazy. at least mine just wants an xbox 360! much safer...

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Hey, you got this up tonight/today after all! And you're not 130!

These are darn good reasons for being anti-unicycle. But the mere thought of Maya in purple sparkly spandex put me over the top.

Tell Jay to stick to the bike. If it's fitted to him properly and he's sitting it right, he's getting plenty of Pilates work.

Jen said...

How about...because he'd look like a man-lollipop? LOL You know, one of those sugar-free dealies that have the safety handle? :)

Lori said...

You definitely shouldnt work in a hospital then...lol. I think we are all allergic to #1.

Lazy Daisy said...

All good reasons...I see you've given this some real thought.

Jen M. said...

I'm allergic to massive blood loss, too! That was a good one.

Bob said...

A unicycle? Seriously? Sounds pretty cool to me. Must be a guy thing.

pussreboots said...

There was a guy at my high school who rode a unicycle to school every day. Happy TT!

Nicholas said...

I don't know what it is with you wives. Mine has forbidden me to try hang gliding.

grace said...

Ewww...I hate the sight of blood too!

Jo said...

Hilarious post. Absolutely hilarious.

Mom not Mum said...

LOL Great list. My brother rode a unicycle and sometimes he would ride it to school - how embarrassing!! I think him having to fight off the neighbor kids for a turn is reason enough.

Amy The Black said...

Funny funny funny! Even with only one wheel, it's funny!

Gattina said...

I agree with you, lol ! the kids would certainly love to use it too !

MissMeliss said...

Great list! I especially love the part about sparkly spandex.

Denise Patrick said...

Very funny - but so true. Kids and unicycles, well, ok. But, an adult who hasn't ridden one before - he's NUTS!

Thanks for visiting my TT!

Janet said...

LOVE #11!!! and...EEK at #12, so many car drivers are just oblivious!

Moondancer said...

Heh, funny. Come visit my first TT list. I think #1 will tickle your funny bone.

http://moondancerdrake.livejournal.com

Harlekwin said...

Let's hope this list convinces him! It worked for me... I promise I won't get a unicycle, but I really would like to have a Vespa. They look like loads of fun!

Great list and great reasons to stay on two wheels.

Happy TT!

Qtpies7 said...

I would say no to my husband because he is always being hit by cars on his bike. That is funny that my husband is not the only one!
In Germany his bike got run over by a lady and she sued US and won because of the German legal system of not being able to defend yourself, just a witness, HER witness, can talk.

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

Giggles, this is a very unique list. I'm quite allergic to vast blood loss too! Happy TT!

Nicole said...

Oh, that's funny. I hope he never has to find out just how allergic to blood loss you are!

Happy TT!

Chelle Y. said...

A unicycle? I cannot even ride a bicycle anymore! Crazy man! Just kidding!

http://www.chelleyoung.com/index.php/archive/thursday-thirteen-73-thirteen-things-about-my-dad/

J. Lynne said...

I would imagine that it would be a painful thing for men to learn to ride actually. It's kind of like the stupidity of having that bar right there on boy bikes.

Anyway...Happy TT and good luck convincing him.

Samantha Lucas said...

That list is too funny! Great job. :)

ravensroads said...

LOL!

I was fascinated to see a guy riding a monocycle along the sea front in Santa Cruz a week or so ago. It was a huge thing!

My TTs are up:
http://www.ravensroads.com
http://www.markeroni.com/blog/

Lesley said...

I simply don't understand how it's physically possible to stay upright on those things! Well for me it wouldn't be. I'd probably kill myself if I even got in the room with one. I hope this list convinced him!

Amy Ruttan said...

Hilarious. Caught my attention right away ... then I started picturing my hubby on a unicycle and started laughing hysterically. #13 is the reason I wouldn't let my DH get one either.

The Rock Chick said...

This is an awesome 13! Really, a unicycle??? I guess I can understand the testosterone sports car or motorcycle, but this is a first!

I agree, the paramedics would have a riot with this one!

Happy TT
jessica The Rock Chick

Christine said...

ROFL,a Unicycle! These men, what are they thinking? My husband still wants to ride a motorcycle, and I'm stopping him from doing that, because of #2. For some reason, men are oblivious to danger. They see themselves riding in Glory, and then they are flat on their faces. It's got to be a guy thing.
Funny list Robin.
Happy Thursday!

Sparky Duck said...

That was as funny as I thought it would be. An addition perhaps, people would call him a carny.

scuba gear package said...

HAHAHA!!! I laughed so hard!! :'D
LOL The sixth point is so funny!! Well i would say that's a really serious issue that you have pointed out!! HAHA!!!