Someone asked me the other day why I'm no longer a practising Jew.
The short answer?
It's things like this, a horrible, tragic loss that I just can't get out of my head, and particularly several earlier ones much closer to home that ripped everything I ever believed in to shreds. I just can't do it. I can't find anything of the faith I used to have. No god I want to believe in could do things like this to poor innocent children, to a family. Some say "everything happens for a reason", or "god has a plan", or "we just can't know". I reject that. I reject that utterly and completely. If god has a plan to rip families apart, to let innocent babies die preventable deaths, to let women die just when they are finally starting to live, to leave young children alone, losing both parents in less than two years, then the only choice I have is atheism. I want no part of a god that lets these things happen. I cannot conceive of a good and kind and loving god who would let this happen, therefore there must be no god. I'd rather believe that we are on our own in this world than that there is a god who stands by and does nothing, leaving only desolation and loss where once was love and hope and promise.
I know many of you disagree, and I respect your faith, even if I no longer understand it. Envy it even, for I imagine it is a great comfort in times of need. Helena, may she rest in peace, had strong faith in god. I truly hope it was a comfort to her in the end, and that it will be to the children she has left behind. But it isn't for me. Not anymore.
And please. No flames and no preaching. Everyone is welcome to share their thoughts in an atmosphere of openness and mutual respect, and perhaps we can take comfort from each other, but I'm not looking to be converted or saved. If that happens this post will be taken down.