I've "changed area codes" as they say here in Israel. I'm now further away from my college years than it took to reach them in the first place. The music of my youth has become the stuff of nostalgia, the muzak you hear in an elevator.
So far forty feels pretty good. Better even than thirty-nine. This past year I learned, finally, to really accept myself and love myself for who I am, and ironically that gave me the impetus and strength to change a few things that needed changing, not the least of which were (are) physical. I'm committed now to a leaner, healthier me and am well on the way to getting there (20 pounds lost so far and still going). I'm not dieting, I'm implementing an overall lifestyle change - really internalizing those healthier eating habits, making exercise a part of my daily routine, making smarter choices and just as importantly not beating myself up on the occasions when I make an equally conscious choice to ignore the smart choice and do what I damn please - like eating a big piece of birthday cake for breakfast.
I feel good about myself, and good about life in general. It's had its bumps in the road, and some of them have been whoppers, but I'm not losing sight of how good things are overall. I've got an amazing husband who I still love now as much as I did when I married him eighteen years ago, two terrific kids, a comfortable, safe home. Heck, I even have a jacuzzi now. I sure didn't see that one actually coming to fruition. Life is good. (spits three times and throws salt over shoulder to appease any capricious fates that may be listening)
And now, if you'll excuse me, I have coffee to drink and a shopping trip to embark on - it is my birthday after all. (God help me, I'm going bathing suit shopping on my birthday - not sure it's smart, but the sale that's on now is too good to pass up so I'm risking my self-esteem and heading out to the land of the three-way mirrors).