I Will Not Be Broken - 5 Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis

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Bad things DO happen to good people. And to bad people. And to everyone.

That is the premise of a book I was asked to review - Jerry White's I Will Not Be Broken - 5 Steps to Overcoming a Life Crisis. There are plenty of books out there that talk about why bad things happen. This one doesn't. It takes it as a given that everyone experiences a crisis in their own life or in the life of a loved one at some point, whether it is a horrific accident like the land mine that took Jerry's leg, or the loss of a loved one, or a serious illness, or the loss of a job, or the breakup of a marriage, or any one of a thousand other tragedies and crises that turn our lives into chaos in a single moment. Instead of dwelling on the why, Jerry provides a blueprint for the how - how to survive your moment and come out of it even stronger.

This survivor's blueprint has grown out of common experiences Jerry has seen over and over again in his work with survivors around the world through Survivor Corps, an organization that helps victims of war and terror to take their lives back. It is based on five simple and concrete steps for a person to follow to find their way from victimhood to survival, and then move past mere survival to a vibrant and thriving life. I'll let Jerry explain them in his own words:
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1. FACE FACTS. One must first accept the harsh reality about suffering and loss, however brutal. "This terrible thing has happened. It can't be changed. I can't rewind the clock. My family still needs me. So now what?"

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2. CHOOSE LIFE. That is, "I want to say yes to the future. I want my life to go on in a positive way." Seizing life, not surrendering to death or stagnation, requires letting go of resentments and looking forward, not back. It can be a daily decision.

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3. REACH OUT. One must find peers, friends, and family to break the isolation and loneliness that come in the aftermath of crisis. Seek empathy, not pity, from people who have been through something similar. Let the people in your life into your life. "It's up to me to reach for someone's hand."

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4. GET MOVING. Sitting back gets you nowhere. One must get out of bed and out of the house to generate momentum. We have to take responsibility for our actions. "How do I want to live the rest of my life? What steps can I take today?"

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5. GIVE BACK. Thriving, not just surviving, requires the capacity to give again, through service and acts of kindness. "How can I be an asset to those around me, and not a drain? Will I ever feel grateful again?" Yes, and by sharing your experiences and talents, you will inspire others to do the same.

The book is full of survivors' stories. The effect of these shared stories is twofold - they show the remarkable strength and resilience of the human spirit, and at the same time they make your own crisis seem more manageable ("if they can overcome such incredible obstactles, than surely I can overcome this"). There is even a chapter which talks about how to support someone else in their struggle, how to build them up and encourage them to thrive, and equally importantly what not to do.

Here, come see for yourself. You can download several chapters of I Will Not Be Broken (for free) here. Their easy to read style, clear plan of action, and inspiring stories will definitely touch your heart and leave you wanting to learn more.

The steps laid out in I Will Not Be Broken worked for Jerry and thousands of others. They can work for you too.
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Separation Anxiety

I wondered when it would happen. It was inevitable, and healthy, and age-appropriate, and normal and all of those sorts of things that a mother wants for her child, but somehow it still took me by surprise. My son is growing away from me, away from his family. He is developing relationships and skills that have nothing to do with me, and he is managing those relationships and cultivating those skills on his own, neither seeking nor desiring my help or even my cognizance.

The same child who still needs to be reminded to brush his teeth each night is receiving phone calls from his friends, and when asked what they wanted responds with "nothing, it's private." Private? At seven? With friends that aren't even seven yet? I don't remember even receiving phone calls at that age, let alone private ones.

I don't mind the privacy per se really. We've already had the good secrets/bad secrets talk, and the "you can always tell us anything" talk and I'm as confident as it's possible for a parent to be that the message has gotten through. And more to the point, I can't imagine that first-graders have such devious secrets to keep, not these good, smart, well-behaved kids from good families that I know well. I'm just surprised that it's started so early. The days when I controlled his whole environment ended years ago, but this is a new level of independence, a period of pulling away and defining the boy he is going to be, not the one his mother wishes him to be. You expect some resistance and secrets in an older child, but my son is still walking that fine line between young child and older and the moments that tip the balance one way or the other often catch me unprepared. Sometimes I'm exasperated by his childishness, while other times it is the older child's sudden appearance which takes my breath away.

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I knew about the separation anxiety that peaks at just about nine months; I was prepared for it, I'd read books. It came, we coped, it left.

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Nobody told me that there was another round at seven - or that this time it would be mine.

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Something to Eat

She opens the refrigerator for the 27th time that afternoon, sure that this time there would in fact be something better inside. Why is it that the hungrier she is, the harder it is to feed herself? At age oldenoughtoknowbetter she ought to be past this by now. She knows damn well that she could make herself a wonderful chefs salad, or a decadently rich dish of pasta with fresh forest mushrooms, or even just whip up a batch of vegetable fried rice if she'd only just take the time. The ingredients are all right there in front of her. The problem was that all of those things needed preparation, at least a modicum of effort, and she was hungry. Very very hungry. And the longer she waited the worse it got, until she was gnaw your own arm off hungry, much too hungry to even think about making something that would take at least 45 minutes to prepare, nevermind that she had already wasted at least double that amount of time with her fruitless surveys of the refrigerator.

She was so hungry she couldn't think straight. It was time to end this charade, there was not going to be any cooking that afternoon. With a sigh she gave in to the inevitable and reached for a slice of two day old bread and a piece of cheese of questionable origin. Better not to dwell on that one. She'd been trying to feed herself for over three hours now, she had to just pick something for god's sake and EAT.

If you could really call this eating. There has to be something better in there. Maybe if she looked just one more time...

Science Experiment, Take 4

It took them four tries - the science kit was long on cool experiments but short on precise instructions - but after some trial and error (including one round where mom learned why you should never look directly down the barrel of a stoppered container of vinegar and baking soda - yes really) but they got it sorted and science, in the form of a small plastic race car, was brought to life, right there on the kitchen floor.



And at 7 that's really all you need for a happy ending, isn't it?
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TT - Israeli Late Night TV

It's 1:30 in the morning and since I crashed out on my daughter's floor before and ended up sleeping there for a few hours I am now distressingly wide awake. Wide awake in the wee hours + no great ideas for a Thirteen = "What's On TV Right Now". If you were looking for pithy prose this definitely isn't the day - try again on Friday when the writing prompts start. In the meantime, you get drivel:

1. Channel 3 (general entertainment) - Martha Stewart, about to be followed by Oprah

2. Bip (comedy) - The Simple Life (oh god, this is that horrible Paris Hilton thing, isn't it?)

3. Xtra Hot (more general entertainment) - Jack and Jill (just ending), followed by Arrested Development

4. AXN Action Channel - The Sentinel

5. (skipping the strictly Israeli channel since what's on won't mean anything to most of you - to those who care it's Yellow Asphalt with Moshe Ivgi)

6. Channel 8 (documentaries) - American Shopper - "Documenting the introduction of "Aisling", a new supermarket sport that promotes self-expression through creative shopping". Huh?

7. (skipping the Russian channel) Israeli Channel 10 - Ring & Win, a local game show

8. Israeli Channel 1 - How Dares The Star - culture and music

9. HOT Gold (movie channel) - The Prestige. Thriller. Rival magicians in turn of the century London battle each other for trade secrets. With Hugh Jackman.

10. HOT Fun (movie channel) - Domestic Import. Comedy. The life of a couple is in turmoil, as the Ukrainian maid they hired is only interested in finding an American husband.

11. HOT Action (movie channel) - The General's Daughter. Thriller. The daughter of a well-respected general is murdered and the investigation exposes dark secrets and corruption. With John Travolta.

12. HOT Drama (movie channel) Il Tempo dell'Amore (in English). Drama, depicting 3 impossible love stories. 1 in the South African Boer War, 2 in Occupied France, 3 in current day Italy.

13. Hallmark - Mary Bryant. Drama. Part 2: In 1788 Mary Bryant, a starving young Cornwall girl, is convicted of a petty crime and sentenced to seven years in the Australian penal colony of Botany Bay.

We've got cable so the list could go on and on (and that's only the English and Hebrew language offerings, there are also a number of foreign language channels) but there's 13 of them for you.

Now I just need to avoid getting sucked into watching any of them and force myself to go to bed! Say goodnight Gracie. G'night Gracie. (Sheesh, I must be getting tired (I hope I'm getting tired!), I'm writing utter nonsense.)




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WW - Red Sea Fish

Taken here this past weekend.

The observation pools:

The Red Sea Reef tank:

The underwater observatory:

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