Saturday, May 3, 2008

Finding myself

As I sat here musing about what to write for this week's prompts, I realized that I needed to combine Sunday Scribbling's family prompt with Writers Island's identity. This isn't because my identity is inseparably tied up with my family. A significant portion of it is of course, but there is also a "Robin" who exists beyond (alongside of?) my role as Wife or Mother. External factors are currently threatening a major shift to my way of life and forcing me to reevaluate everything. What are my goals, how do those goals coexist with my values, what do I need from or have to commit to in various areas of my life? Big issues, big decisions. Whether or not this current threat comes to pass, and it very well may, I've still been forced to grapple with my own identity. Who am I? WHAT am I? What are the relative weights of all of these various pieces of me? Who gets what? What value do I place on my role as "mother" versus my role as "wage-earner"? Which pieces get sold short? What minimum division do I need for my family to continue to function? There are no easy answers. (Well that's not entirely true. Winning the lottery would provide an easy answer, but since I don't play it isn't a scenario I'd bet the farm on.)

However it turns out, hopefully I'm wiser for having gone through the process.

And since I've had enough introspection for now, here's an extra little something for everyone who told me yesterday that they'd never seen a pomegranate flower before. Here's the flower again:


And here's what it is growing on:


We don't get any usable fruit from this little tree but it's lovely to look at, isn't it? The birds get to the pomegranates before they are large enough to even think of picking. We do have a few clementine and lemon trees growing in similar pots that give a bit of fruit though, and it even looks like our fig tree has returned from the nearly-dead to bear a number of figs this year. (If you don't know by now, gardening is not exactly our forte. Good thing we have a penthouse - it's a lot harder to kill off a patio than a lawn!)

18 comments:

Lucy said...

wise questions you're asking yourself Robin. Reevaluating ourselves is yet another process in bettering ourselves.
Your Pomegranate is lovely!

Marie said...

Once of our neighbors growing up had a pomegranate tree, but I never saw any of the flowers. They look like carnations!

paisley said...

the family infrastructure is so complicated.. i have never really been part of one... i have tried to find one into which i fit,,, but i think it is just me... too many jagged edges... so i have my little dog family,, and in that i am contented... i guess...

and that flower is luscious!!!

anthonynorth said...

Who am I? Who are you? I love dealing with big issues, but some are just too big :-)
I think we are what we need to be at any particular time, taking our past experiences to assist us. Other than that, we are pulled is so many directions at once, it often gets confusing.

Root & Sprout said...

Oh I would LOVE to have citrus and fig trees - lovely!!

gautami tripathy said...

Lovely flower! I have not seen a pomegranate flower for 20 years now!

dog and (wo)man

Granny Smith said...

Having a few more hours in the day might help too! That's something that I frequently wish for.

I not only love the pomegranate flower. I think your whole page is visually beautiful with its pale blush background that is a pastel version of the flower and with your distinctive heading.

Tammy said...

Being Robin, wife and mother is a daunting task on it's own. Finding a balance and yet remaining authentic is an art form. Good luck and peaceful days ahead.

The flower looks as delicate as crumbled tissue. Beautiful!

Jo said...

Beautiful flower. Good luck with it all......identities are tricky things.

keith hillman said...

I try not to look too deeply inside myself incase I find something I don't like! But I do like your pomegranate tree. I'd never given a thought to where pippy little critters came from!!

Laura said...

I wish you luck as you deal with this change and find balance. I often struggle with balance.

Love the flower :)

Pieces of Me said...

I was just thinking the 'who am I?" question too and in my search I came up with this link.

Happy Sunday! Nice pics!


http://iarp.org/articles/The_Truth_of_Who_You_Are.htm

tjhirst said...

Who are you? Apparently one who can grow a beautiful flower and take a very decent picture of it! I love the patio garden.

Mandy de Waal said...

Who are we? Sometimes I think a lifetime is not enough time to peel back the layers to find the answer to that question.

susiej said...

Robin, I hope everything turns out OK.. and yes, you will be stronger in the end. Love your luscious looking plants!!!

khambagirl said...

I can imagine that you are a very conscientious wife and mother -- you wear many hats, and seem to have a lot of integrity in all of your roles. Well done!

laughingatchaos said...

Balance is sooo difficult to achieve. I struggle with it every.single.day. I think...oh, five more hours a day and I'd be ok. Nope, probably not. I have so many hats, each one is so very different, and I lose myself under each one. And then Jen is missing. Hang in there, hon! I wish I could be there with you; we could have dessert wine and biscotti. ;)

Christine said...

I've been having these thoughts lately about Marissa. How she'll be out in the world experiencing it all, and hoping I taught her well. I know what you mean. Hoping I taught her well, and that if she needs someone to talk to, I hope she knows I will be there for her.

Good questions, Robin.